Bachelor # 2...I was wrong. It's *not* me...and it *is* you

     Can someone....ANYONE please tell me where it is written that if you go on (1) one date with someone, that you're to profess your feelings for the other party and then proceed to plan the rest of your days with them? ANYONE??? Please....tell me where the dating rules have changed, that way I can know that it 'is me' who don't know how to date like a normal person.
     One date down with Bachelor # 2 and I get the 'follow-up' text from him the next day stating how much fun he had. Which was great, because I had had a nice time too and was going to text him to tell him I had enjoyed myself. So the day proceeds and we share a few texts back and forth. Then the next day comes, and my phone is bombarded with texts from Bachelor # 2 and he starts asking me what time do I finish work, and if he could see me that night or the next night. I had told him that I was not looking to rush in to any kind of relationship, and wanted to take things slow the night before. Somehow this did not feel like taking it slow....and with this...I started to feel like a wild animal trapped, trying to escape.
     Next thing I know, Bachelor # 2 starts with the term's of endearment...calling me 'baby'. Not that I have anything against using pet names for your honey, but after ONE DATE...being called 'baby' seems a bit much. When I tell Bachelor # 2 I have a meeting that night and can't meet, he wants to get together that night at 9pm. What is there to do at 9pm, for a second date? I decline and he seemed okay with it.
     Last Friday, which is three days after we first met he starts with the texts yet again while I am at work...and I try to gracefully back out of this dating scenario for several reasons (1) he is naked-photo dude from my past, and (2) he is becoming very needy and smothering. Below you get to expierence the texts which took place over 48 hours and he just gets more time-demanding, and weird. And the whole part where he asks for my last name.....PEOPLE he WENT and FRIEND REQUESTED me on FaceBook when he said he would not do so! I bring you 'The Text Files w/ Bachelor # 2'

     

Bachelor # 2:I wish you went going to be in jersey for Halloween. I would love to spend it 

with you.

Me:Want to come to NJ with me? I kinda committed myself there. But on 10/22 have a e:

party here for Halloween if you'd like to join me

Bachelor # 2:How long will you be down in JK for? I'm off the 22nd, so I can do that

Me:Jk?

Bachelor # 2:Jk what?You were kidding? Boo

Me:Noooooooooo. You asked how long I'd be down in JK. Did u mean NJ?

Bachelor # 2:Yeah, I ment NJ...sorry

Me:No...no worries. I had no idea where I was 'going' it'll be an overnight trip

Bachelor # 2:Where are you staying?

Me:At my friend's house. Not sure if I'm staying at jen's or dan&phils

Bachelor # 2:Would I be sleeping on the couch?...lol

Me:I have no idea where I'm sleeping there lol

Bachelor # 2:Lol

(I do not respond as I am busy at work)

Bachelor # 2:So, were would I sleep the?...lol. or would I just get a motel...lol

Me:Slow your roll bucko lol we don't even know if we'll want to sleep in the same 

room

Bachelor # 2:So, think you might want to hang out tonight? If 9 isn't to late for you

Me:Can I let you know later? I have a horrific headache and just got home so am 

going to pop some advil  and try to rest. My phone is charging so I can 

still text

Bachelor # 2:No problem baby. I can give you a sholder massage. Might help it

Bachelor # 2:How are you feeling hun?

Me:(Really?!? BABY & HUN AFTER JUST 1 DATE???)I'm going to have to pass up tonight. It's gone in to a migraine. So sorry

Bachelor # 2:Don't worry about it. Just feel better so your ok for work tomorrow

Me:Ty...have a good night

Bachelor # 2:So, what are you doing today?

Me:Working until 2 then work tonight. Have to go shopping for stuff for my aunt's 

b-day party this weekend. Bachelor # 2 (however I did use his name) ....I don't think I'm going to be free to date 

ANYONE with my work schedules and my other obligations right now. And I don't 

want to waste your time finding someone who is avail for you cuz you're a great 

guy. But I would like us to stay in touch if that's ok w/ you?

Bachelor # 2:...oh It is what it is....

Me:I'm sorry, in fact I am taking myself off the site today since I realized how 

limited my time is

Bachelor # 2:Ok...

Guess ill see you around then....

Me:If you would still like to come to party on 10-22 that'd be awesome

Bachelor # 2:If you want me to.

Me:YES I do! I'm not kicking you to the curb....I just realize that right now me w/ 

anyone isn't fair to them

Bachelor # 2:I so like you, so you will have to forgive me. I'm a little hurt

Well, I'm going to be honest with you. I feel like we would be good together. I 

haven't connected with someone like I have with you. Ever if we only see 

eachother once a week for now, ill be happy with that.

(And there was the pathetic begging and guilt-trip)

Me:Plz don't be hurt. It has nothing to do with you. It has to do w/ me having 

limited personal time. I work 2 jobs and care for my aunt who has dementia (the 

beginnings). I don't want to string you or anyone along making plans and only 

being able to see them/you once a week. That's not fair for anyone

Me:We could do that for now :-) if you'd like because I did enjoy the other night 

too

Bachelor # 2:I really would. I'm not someone who need to see someone everyday.

Me:Good...:-)

Bachelor # 2:So then, what are you doing tomorrow night?

Me:(REALLY?!? After you just said you don't need to see someone every day?)Tomorrow taking aunt to movie and lunch then have a party @ a friend's house 

early evening. Sunday I'm having some people @ my house for ida's party. What ya 

doing this weekend?

Bachelor # 2:Tomorrow I'm working Untill 8...then Sunday my vacation starts. I have a 

birthday party around 1...then a meeting at work at 6:30

Bachelor # 2:Maybe we can hang out during the week some time

Do you mind if I ask your last name?

Me:Lucivero and what is yours?

Bachelor # 2 (And yes although it does sound kind of bogus.)

Bachelor # 2:I'm not going to Facebook stalk you or anything...lol I like having last names in my phone book...lol

Me:Tis ok :-)

Bachelor # 2:I forget, how old are you again? I'm sorry to ask

Me:35. You?

Bachelor # 2:32. Mind dating a younger man?...lol

(I was at work and couldn't answer.....so guess what comes next...)

Bachelor # 2:Please tell me that isn't really an issue

Me:No

Bachelor # 2:Good...:-)...I'm guessing you don't work today?

Me:No, took today off as I have my aunt's party today and am getting everything 

ready. Happy vacation week to ya

Bachelor # 2:You think MAYBE I can see you this week? No pressure

Me:I am off Monday day but may have to go in at night. Am off tues & wednes nights

Bachelor # 2:What time so you get off work? Maybe we can take a talk by the beach and watch 

the sunset....as corny as that sounds...lol

(I don't answer him)

Bachelor # 2: Did you see my teeth?...lol

(I still don't answer him as guess what......I was BUSY)

Bachelor # 2:I have fangs...lol

Bachelor # 2:?

Me:? What?

Bachelor # 2:I texted you this morning, and I didn't hear back from you

Me:Have people over....and I'm entertaining. 

Bachelor # 2:Sounds like fun...wish I could be there. Ok, ill talk to you later on

(I don't reply....and then he goes on FB and sees my status! What happened to him not going to FB stalk me??)

Bachelor # 2:Sounds like you had gun last night....:-)

And there you have it. Bachelor # 2 went from being a blast from my past with potential....to being 

creepy clingy...FB-stalker dude. All within 4 days. And then he wonders why I am trying to break off 

connection with him. Thankfully I have learned from other single friends that they have been meeting many a wack-a-doo

people too....so I know it isn't just me. But without having to put it in writing...you can guess that Bachelor # 2

has bit the dust in the romance department...which only solidifies my theory that Ex's are ex's for a reason!

Bachelor # 2-Sometimes the Universe Has a Perverse Sense of Humor

     The Universe has a sense of humor...and sometimes it is a truly twisted one. I honestly can not wrap my head around this one...and am wondering if this is the Universe trying to teach me a lesson, or perhaps bring 'Mr. Right' back to me. Because they say that if you bump in to someone three times, without planning it...that you two are supposed to be together. For those of you interested in Greek mythology, two goddess's are taking up residence in my life this past week.

Eris (Greek Ἔρις, "Strife") is the Greek goddess of strife and discord, her name being translated into Latin as Discordia. Her Greek opposite is Harmonia, whose Latin counterpart is Concordia. Homer equated her with the war-goddess Enyo, whose Roman counterpart is Bellona. The dwarf planet Eris is named after the goddess.

And my personal favorite: Artemis was one of the most widely venerated of the Ancient Greek deities. Her Roman equivalent is Diana. Some scholars^[1] believe that the name, and indeed the goddess herself, was originally pre-Greek.^[2] Homer refers to her as Artemis Agrotera, Potnia Theron "Artemis of the wildland, Mistress of Animals".^[3] In the classical period of Greek mythology, Artemis (Greek: (nominative) Ἄρτεμις, (genitive) Ἀρτέμιδος) was often described as the daughter of Zeus and Leto, and the twin sister of Apollo. Artemis was once bathing in a vale on Mount Cithaeron, when the Theban hunter Actaeon stumbled across her. Enraged, Artemis turned him into a stag and, not knowing their own owner, Actaeon's own dogs killed him.

     But I digress. And trust me...this is all relevant to Bachelor # 2. About 10 years ago....I had taken on a seasonal job, which focused on my most favorite holiday. I have never had as much fun at work, as I did at this job...and met some really interesting people who worked there as well. When I worked there...there was this one employee, whom I thought was seriously good-looking, and he seemed to be interested in me as well. However it was purely a physical attraction. We never really dated, we never really hung out in public. But we would get together every night and fool around (no....there was no sex at that time) when we worked. I do think he would have liked to pursue something with me...however he was a little too brazen for my tame self back then. (Yes...back then I was a 'good' girl.) He would e-mail me naked photos of himself, want to have phone sex, and informed me of all the photo and video equipment he had which gave me visions of myself being broad casted and my mother somehow finding out. Needless to say, although I thought him good-looking, I had quickly cut any ties to him. Every now and then, he'd come up in thought as I reflected on all the colorful guys that had marched through my life....and mom and I would snicker over it.
      Now here I am....actively trying to date, but so bummed out by being stood up several weeks ago...I really haven't had my heart in it. And low-and-behold I get an e-mail from the dating sight I troll from time-to-time. The Bachelor # 2 whom e-mailed me seemed nice, pleasant, and like a gentleman. Appearance-wise, not exactly my cup-of-tea...but we all know that it's what's on the inside which counts, so figured I would give him a shot. So e-mails led to texts, and we tried to set our first date up...but it fell through. We did however go on our second date and it started out on rocky ground...as I thought he was standing me up and vica versa. It turned out that we were at two different StarBucks...just down the road from one another. Since my location was closing I drove down to where he was waiting with my drink (which I thought was sweet for him to ask what I wanted and have it ready for me.) And there we sat drinking our beverages, and chatting..discussing our pets, interests, and then our jobs. As we started talking about our religious beliefs, and Bachelor # 2 made a comment about his beliefs...a light bulb went off. I KNOW THIS GUY!!! I knew him and kinda dated him 10 years ago!!!
     Ex's are ex's for a reason....and this, my friends was no exception for me. Let's rewind 10 years of my life...to when I was in my early twenties. I was a bit naive, a bit shy, and a bit sheltered. This guy I was seeing (Bachelor #2) would not want to do anything, other than be physical....have phone sex, and SEND ME NUDE PHOTOS OF HIMSELF IN EVERY POSITION IMAGINABLE. After receiving the umpteenth nude photo of himself, I decided to block him from my AOL...and quickly removed myself from his presence. And OK....I'm not a prude...but back then, I was a bit gun-shy about sharing naked photos over the net, and also very gun-shy about going to his place and possibly being photographed or videoed as he said he had all that equipment. Fast forwarding ourselves to the present, as we sit in StarBucks, I ask Bachelor # 2 a string of questions to confirm that he is indeed whom I think he is, and he confirms my suspicions that he is who he is. He seemed to have vague if any memory of me, which was fine...and I did not bring up his fascination of nude photography...but this raised a new concern in my mind...was Bachelor # 2 still into kinky e-mails, and phone sex?
     Finishing up our drinks, I agree to go on a car ride with him, out east to check out this spot which he claims has a 'different vibe to it.' And yes...my phone was not only fully charged, but I had my pepper spray, and weapon with me...so I was fully safe. Besides the fact that he wasn't giving off any serial killer vibes off him. We sat in the moonlight, and chatted....but it felt a bit strained to me. I wasn't sure if Bachelor # 2 was trying to be all cool, and aloof, and just wanted to chat, or if he was waiting for some romantic action to take place. Regardless, I wasn't going to be getting any kind of physical with anyone on a first date (unless it was Harrison Ford or Colin Farrell.) But in Bachelor #2's defense, he did not put any moves on me, other than hold my hand, and when he took me back to my car, waited for me to make the departing gesture. What that I was impressed with.
     What does our future hold? Only time can tell....I'm not ruling him out....but I am very leery. Oh Cosmos...you do have a twisted sense of humor!
   

Bachelor # 1....The Text Files

Sometimes the ones you want to stick around don't...and the ones you wish would never darken your door step again stick to you like glue. There's a Motely Cru song, and the lyrics go like this: "Girl don't go away mad....girl just go away." Well, this is a situation with Bachelor # 1 where I would apply the lyrics, substituting 'girl' for 'boy'. The nightmare of a date with Bachelor # 1 was behind me, and when I had gotten home from the date, blocked him from e-mailing me...hoping he'd get the hint. Not my luck it seems, as on Saturday, July 16th he decided to text, and angry text at that. So read on my friends...and realize that sometimes giving someone a chance isn't the wisest thing to do.

Bachelor # 1: Hey u I tryed to e-mail u on the site wats that about? Last nite was nice.

Me: Bachelor # 1 (I had used his name but am not posting it here), I can't date anyone who makes disparaging remarks about women-and who can't go any further east of Bohemia. Good luck finding the right one for you.

Bachelor # 1: What did I say that was bad like I want to live in some shit place like u do

Me: Please stop texting me.

Bachelor # 1: Your 35 your be 40 soon It's all good seeing someone cute she's 28 your 35 that's old for a gril.
Me: So what I love my life and don't need a man that's right MAN to fulfill my life. Obviously you can't meet someone because of your attitude. Please stop texting me.

Bachelor # 1: Iam seeing a 28 year old your almost 40

Me: Grow a pair, grow up and don't text me again. Btw you shouldn't use foul language when tying to impress someone. Stop texting me.

Bachelor # 1: Soon it will be to late for u to have a family so what are u to anyone

Me: Dude your pathetic and the 28 year old will run away screaming too. I couldn't wait to get away from you last night. You're lucky I didn't knock you out cold. Stop blowing up my phone or i'm calling the cops you freak!

Bachelor # 1: There are grils on the site that are in there 40s can't fine anyone to date your see but iam doing great

Me: I am now calling the cops becuz this is harassment you had fair warning.

Bachelor # 1: They not going to anything iam 35 your 35 u don't Text and will not text u see u on the site at 40 Ok do what u have to your texting to so Have fun Iam not doing anything bad later

 Me: I have now called the cops on you.

Bachelor # 1: Never text me aging and I will do the same. By have a bad life

Bachelor # 1: The creep, the incompatable, the JERK

     On Friday, July 15th I ventured out on an actual date, with an actual suitor, at an actual meeting place often selected for the first-date scene. I headed to Starbuck's straight from work, knowing that if I went home first, would not want to go out again. Arriving at the date site at exactly 8:15pm I received a phone call from Bachelor # 1, asking me if I had left my house yet, because he was going to be late. Not wanting to stress him out by telling him I was already there, I fibbed and told him 'no'. So he told me he'd text me when he was on the road, so we can leave our locations and get there at the same time. Not a big deal, right? Okay...so it was a little irksome that he was unable to keep our meeting time, without a valid reason...but so-be-it. I'm flexible.
     Figuring he'd be a few minutes late, I sat at an outdoor table without a beverage, and wound up having a lovely conversation with two people at the table next to me. And time sped by. 8:30 turned to 8:40, which then turned to 8:50pm when I finally got the text stating that Bachelor # 1 was on his way, and not to leave. So I entertained myself by tweeting and texting, and by 9:15pm....Bachelor # 1 was still not in da house! Defiantly not putting his best foot forward....right? By this time I was jonsing for a Starbuck's beverage, and getting miffed that this dude still wasn't here. I text my girl LB to see if I should leave, and then proceeded to check in with my mom and get her input too as to what to do. Mom told me to 'give him a few more minutes, then to come on home.' (Yeah...I should have left then and there....but nooooooooooo.) At 9:20pm I get a call from Bachelor # 1 asking if I was there because he was there and didn't see me. So I explain where I'm sitting, and he still insists that he doesn't see me, and proceeds to ask if I am at the right location. (And ok, I didn't flip...because I can be a ditz at times, and being at 2 different locations was in fact plausible.) I ask him if he's in his car, he informs me he is, and I ask if he sees the big delivery truck right in front of Starbucks. He's all "I'm not sure, let me see", and by this point I'm wondering if he's in his car, facing the java joint, how the hell could he miss the huge delivery truck. So I get up from my table and proceed to walk to the front of the building (as I was on the side), and WHO comes popping out from INSIDE Starbucks...but Bachelor # 1! (Really? He was sitting in his car? Really? That's an amazing feat, if his car was inside the building!) He's all "I see you!" And proceeds to hang up. I extend my hand in greeting and he swoops in to hug me. (At this point dude....the hug is not the way to go.)
     Instead of offering to buy drinks right away, he heads to the table where I had been sitting waiting on him...and launches in to his schpeel declaring and I quote: "you're cute...yeah...you're real cute. I can defiantly see myself dating you....because you're cute. And oh look, you got that little thing in your hair which matches your shirt. Yeah, I could deff see myself dating you." All said in one breath as he gestured wildly with his hands and arms at me. Bachelor #1 had very definitive plans on which towns he would live in WITH his parents, and how he refuses to travel east of Bohemia (the town we had met in for the date from hell) because anything east of Bohemia is "a real shit hole." Yep...this guy was coming off as a real gem. I asked him if he was aware that my town is east of Bohemia...and he said, "yeah...but that's ok." Then he launched in to how he NEVER goes in to Sayville...because it is full of gays, and that he refused to go to a town which was filled with gays, and did I know about those people hanging out in Sayville? I don't know how I did it, but I refrained from smacking him in his face and leaving. (1) I have people in my family who are homosexual, and (2) 80% of my male friends are gay....so needless to say I am very tolerant and accepting and love these people. Bachelor # 1then proceeded to ask me about my recent dating experiences, and I informed him that I had taken a little bit of a break, so I could focus on me, which seemed to be the most absurd thing he ever heard because he not only almost fell off his seat, but felt compelled to inform me that (quoting once again) "At your age, you can't be taking time off like that. You're almost 40 years old!"
     By this point we were half way through the tortuous date from hell, and I was trying to find a way to wrap it up, besides jonsing for a hot drink...and a hot shower to wash this whole experience away. Bachelor # 1 finally realizes it might be smart to offer me a drink...since this was indeed a coffee date. However I declined, only to shorten the date, and trying to figure out how to run for my car without him tailing me like a puppy. Bachelor # 1 then decided to try to see what my interests are and I filled him in on my interests and hobbies. He was impressed and stated that I keep myself busy. I only felt it fair to inquire about his and...let me tell ya...there is no way I could have dealt with him. Bachelor # 1 hangs out at home....goes to his 'one friend's house to hang out', plays video games, and likes movies. I asked him what he does for a living and he informed me about his job and his 'little part time job at the outlet which he got fired from this past winter, when he worked for Juicy Cotour, and all the little Juicy bitches'. Really? Really? Calling women bitches is a way to snag a second date? When we discussed movie theaters, he put down every theater I go to...calling them shit holes, and told me "I only go to the Commack theater, but they're tearing it down at the end of the summer."
     It was just about 10pm, and there was absolutely no way I could endure another minute in his presence. Although I knew there'd never be a second date...didn't want to set this wack-o off...so I told him it was nice meeting him. Bachelor # 1 was stupefied that I was going home at 10pm, and actually said to me (quoting again) "What? A single girl like you is going home alone at 10pm? If you want, we can do something else." Firmly I told him I needed to get some school work done, and had an early morning coming up. He 'understood', and walked me to my car...asking me questions on it such as "What year is it? Is it fully loaded? How many miles do you get?" WHILE he was walking past my suv, and I was stopped AT my vehicle!I was like "Uh....what are you looking at? This is my suv." He was just like "oh." And then once again proceeded to inform me "you're cute...yeah...you're real cute. I can defiantly see myself dating you....because you're cute." Again I stuck my hand out to say good night to this bozo...knowing full well what his move would be, and he grabbed me in a hug. I sat in my truck for a minute, trying to decide if I should go through the drive-thru and get a coffee, and watched in disbelief as Bachelor # 1 walked back, in to Starbuck's. Foregoing my Frappacino...I headed home, because like Dorothy said as she clicked her heels together: "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!!!"

 

Bachelor # 1....not seeming like a fore-runner

     I have a date. Yes I do! When is it going to take place, I have no bloody clue. One of the guys I am talking to on-line which has now advanced to brief phone conversations and I have set up a date. We will call this dude Bachelor # 1 (to protect his identity, and to keep my ass from being sued.) He seems a bit eager, what with sending me 2 e-mails in a matter of 5 minutes which included his phone number...but that's ok. Because may he's nervous. So anyway Bachelor # 1 and I share a phone call today which according to my cell log, lasted 17 minutes and consisted mainly of his talking a-mile-a-minute.

Here are some of the things that kind of raised a red flag to me...and let me know if you think I'm making more of it than I should:

• He talked about a woman whom he was supposed to meet with, and she blew him off. He then proceeded to say some rude-ish comments about her.
• He complained about all these women on the dating site who had kids. He doesn't need to be on a date with someone whose kid keeps calling.
• Kept mentioning my looks...and about a woman dressing 'nice.'

     Bachelor # 1 and I wound up setting a date to meet for coffee on Wednesday night around 7:30-8:00. I'm not sure if this is a good match, but what the heck. It's a good date to get back in the game. But then I start getting texts from him. He wanted to move our coffee date from Wednesday to tonight, because 'he has plans' for Wednesday. Meanwhile I had already told him tonight and Friday night were both not good for me....when we were on the phone. So then he was pushing for Friday night, and I figured I could make that work. But then when I was out he text's me AGAIN...asking to move the date to Saturday, which I have plans that night (but hadn't told him.)

       Being the courteous person I am...and really trying to give this guy a chance,when he asked to meet for Saturday told him that was fine. However I asked to meet at 12, noon as I have to be in Levitttown later in the day. Needless to say my response from him was "We'll work it out," but somehow I feel like this isn't going to be worked out and is turning in to a chore of even meeting.

Single girl pushed back in to the dating scene by friend...news at 11

     OK, I admit it. I have been avoiding the dating scene like the plague. I don't think I was consciously doing it but none-the-less I wasn't really putting myself 'out there' and in the places to find a guy. Perhaps it's because I am selfish, and enjoying my life the way it is...answering to no one, doing what I want....when I want...how I want. Maybe it's because a few years back I was burned by one guy (kinda sorta), and then really burned by another guy (who as my one friend M. calls, an ass hat.) Regardless of whatever the reason is, I wasn't getting out and meeting guys, yet wondering where 'Mr. Right' was hiding, and when he would realize his 'Ms. Right' (me was right here waiting for his late ass to show up.)
     I always joke with M. that Colin Farrell is my soul-mate, and he just needs to bump in to me, and realize we're meant for one another.But at the age of 35 years old...how long am I really supposed to wait for Colin Farrell to find me, and realize he can't live without me?
     My other friend L.B. thrust herself in to the dating scene, and has opted for the on-line dating route. I didn't know this until she was hanging out at my house one night. I love L.B. dearly, and she is always up to trying new things and is also a bit overly persuasive...if you know what I mean. Which for someone with my laid back personality is a good thing. So as we were discussing her latest dating endeavors, she coerced me to sign up on the same on-line dating site and see who & what was waiting out there to make contact with me. I have to admit...that I was very leery of doing this...especially on this particular site...but I let her coerce me anyway.
     So here I am. Back to dating. At the tender age of 35. Which has also prompted me to start a new blog site. Because that's all I really need, right. To manage 3 blog sites??? I haven't gone on any actual dates as of yet...and I'm a bit nervous to really meet. But I can let you all know that I have been communicating via e-mail with a few (seemingly) nice guys. I've yet to make it to the actual meeting point...but hope to do so soon. And of course there are also the blatantly obnoxious, scary, and out-right weird characters out there. Some I've blocked...some I've just ignored. But I will keep you all posted, and be brutally honest with how it goes. Because we all need & deserve love in our life.

Don't we?